Emotional healing isn’t just one big moment, it happens in small, repeated moments. Oftentimes, the ones that feel uncomfy because it isn’t your default mode of operating. These habits are a good place to start if you’ve been feeling stuck, disconnected, or overwhelmed.

1. Naming What You’re Feeling When You’re Feeling It (Instead of Avoiding It)

Most people go straight to distracting or “fixing” the feeling because the feeling usually is considered “negative” whether that be mad, sad, upset, or angry. Naming emotions helps to regulate your nervous system and creates just enough space to respond instead of react.

• Try this instead: pause and ask, “What am I actually feeling right now?”
  If you need help pinpointing, feel free to look at a feelings wheel online.

2. Checking In With Your Body Once a Day

Emotions don’t just live in your head, they also show up physically sometimes unconsciously (looking at you intellectualizers).

• Try taking 30 seconds to notice (not change) sensations in your body when you have an emotion.:

• Tight jaw?

• Heavy chest?

• Ache in your stomach?

3. Letting Yourself Have Mixed Emotions

Healing is complex so you can feel multiple emotions at the same time. If you force yourself into one “acceptable” emotion, you stay stuck. You may be feeling:

• Grateful and resentful

• Hopeful and scared

• Relieved and sad

4. Doing One Thing Slower Than Usual

When your nervous system is overwhelmed, you’ll often find yourself in fight or flight mode instead of rest and digest mode, which means that everything speeds up and can become reactionary. Slowness unconsciously signals safety to your body.

• Try picking one thing like brushing your teeth, making coffee, walking to your car and do it intentionally slower.

5. Noticing Your Inner Dialogue (Without Immediately Changing It)

Instead of jumping to affirmations, try subtle awareness first. You don’t need to fix them, you just have to attempt to coexist with them so they become softer. Just noticing them weakens their grip.

• Pay attention to thoughts like:

• “I’m too much”

• “I should be over this”

• “I’m failing”

6. Creating a “Pause” Before Reacting

Regulating emotions and slowing down when you feel triggered is progress that growth and healing are taking place.

• When you feel triggered:

• Pause for a few seconds

• Take one breath or count to 10

• Ask: “What do I actually need right now?”

7. Reducing One Form of Emotional Numbing

Think about how you might be emotionally numbing. What are you doing instead of being present with your emotions as a way to suppress, push, or avoid them? It could be scrolling, overworking, zoning out, or just constant distraction. Healing requires some contact with your inner world.

• You don’t have to eliminate it, just reduce it slightly and slowly:

• 10 minutes less scrolling

• One less episode

• One moment of choosing to stay present

8. Letting Safe People See a Little More of You

Vulnerability is a step towards creating healing moments, but you have to get out of your comfort zone to get there. You don’t have to share your whole life story with people you consider safe, just more genuine honesty than usual. Healing happens in connection, not in isolation and you have to practice outside of therapy what is discussed within therapy.

• Try saying things like:

• “I’ve actually been struggling lately” in response to “how are you doing” when asked by someone who is genuinely asking

• “That bothered me more than I expected” when something concerns you

9. Following Through on Small Promises to Yourself

Trust isn’t just something you build with others, you must build it with yourself as well. Self-trust grows through consistency, not how much you do.

• Pick something small and doable:

• Drink water in the morning

• Step outside once a day

• Go to bed 15 minutes earlier

10. Recognizing Progress That Doesn’t Feel Like Progress

Most people stay stuck on what is not working or what they’re doing wrong so they might miss what progress actually can look like:

• Catching a pattern after it happens

• Feeling your emotions more intensely (not less)

• Setting a boundary and feeling guilty

Emotional healing isn’t about becoming a different person, it’s about building a different relationship with yourself and those around you. I encourage you to pick one or two of these habits and start this week, don’t try to do all 10, all at once.

• Sam Villarreal, MS, LPC, LCDC