How EMDR Can Help Make Distressing Memories Less Intrusive
Let’s start by naming what we’re even talking about. A distressing memory isn’t just a bad moment you’d rather forget. It’s the memory that you can’t stop thinking about even after you tried everything to distract yourself. It’s the memory that floods you with feelings of overwhelm, the unwanted flashbacks as if you had a broken time machine, and don’t forget the physical sensations that the body holds onto that you wish you could stop feeling.
These kinds of memories are common and exhausting for people who’ve lived through trauma. They can feel like they’re running the show, making it hard to fully feel safe in your own skin.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a trauma therapy that helps reduce the emotional charge of these memories so they become less intrusive, less painful, and less overpowering. The memory isn’t erased, but it does start to live in the past where it belongs, instead of replaying in the present like it still has power over you.
Why Do Intrusive Memories Happen?
Unfortunately, not all memories are stored the same way. When something traumatic happens, the brain gets overwhelmed so it becomes too flooded to file the experience away properly. Instead, it gets “stuck” in the nervous system and it becomes raw, fragmented, and hypersensitive. That’s why sometimes a smell, a sight, a sound, or a familiar interaction can leave you feeling activated even if you logically know you are safe. This can leave you feeling helpless or out of control. You’re not alone. EMDR works by helping your brain communicate with your body to help finish processing what didn’t happen at the time of the trauma.
So, What Exactly Is EMDR?
EMDR combines attention on a distressing memory with bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or alternating sounds on either side of your body) to activate the brain’s natural healing processes. The result of this combination shifts the emotional charge of the memory, decreasing the emotional intensity, and building new grounded beliefs in yourself.
For example, a person who was assaulted might begin EMDR with the belief “I’m not safe”. After reprocessing, that memory may still exist, but it now carries a new belief like “it’s over now” or “I have power and safety today”.
That shift can reduce how intrusive the memory feels in the here and now. EMDR is different from talk therapy because it doesn’t require you to retell or relive every detail or your trauma. It often reduces symptoms quicker for many people. Your brain and body are the core ingredients to healing.
What to Expect in EMDR Therapy
If you’re new to EMDR, it’s completely normal to feel unsure, or even skeptical. It looks strange in action and it may feel unfamiliar at first, but the process is intentional and trauma-informed. A trained EMDR therapist will spend time building a strong foundation of regulation tools and internal resources with you so that all parts of you feel emotionally safe and grounded before beginning. Preparation work is critical, especially for those with complex trauma, chronic dissociation, or a history of invalidation. EMDR only works when the nervous system feels supported, not ambushed or pressured. You stay in control no matter what, you can pause at any time, and you set the pace. Your therapist should continually assess your window of tolerance to help you stay grounded throughout.
A Typical EMDR Session Might Include:
Grounded check-ins: To assess how you’re feeling and whether you’re ready to do some reprocessing that day because sometimes EMDR sessions aren’t on the menu and that is more than okay. This also includes checking in with different parts of yourself to see if they have concerns with what you’re doing just to get full consent from every facet of you.
Identifying the target memory: Together, you’ll choose a specific event or emotional pattern to work on (sometimes from previous sessions or to start with).
Tracking thoughts, images, emotions, and body sensations: You don’t need to narrate the entire memory, your therapist may simply ask what you’re noticing internally and it may not even be related to the memory and that is okay
Bilateral stimulation: This could be following the therapist’s fingers with your eyes, tapping on your own shoulders or knees with your hands, following a light with your eyes, or using headphones that alternate sounds from left to right.
Processing in short sets: The therapist will pause regularly to check in and help you notice how things might be shifting with the target memory.
Closing with regulation: Sessions end with calming techniques, even if the memory is not fully processed that day. You may feel emotional during or after sessions, but that is to be expected.
Who Can Benefit from EMDR?
EMDR was originally developed to treat PTSD, but over the past few decades, it’s proven to be effective for a wide range of emotional struggles.
EMDR is especially helpful for:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Complex Trauma and Childhood Trauma
EMDR can help with developmental wounds and attachment trauma alongside parts work although it might take a little longer to reach those deeper layers
Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Particularly when they’re linked to earlier adverse experiences
Phobias and performance anxiety to help clear emotional roots and self-sabotaging beliefs
Medical or Birth Trauma
It’s a strong option if you:
Feel “stuck” in patterns that you can’t explain
Are tired of intellectually understanding your trauma, but still feeling it
Want something beyond traditional talk therapy
Have memories, images, or body sensations that intrude into daily life
EMDR can be done in-person and virtually with adults, teens, and children in age-appropriate ways.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever thought, “I know it’s in the past, but it still feels like it’s happening”, EMDR might be a good fit for you. Healing isn’t linear, it’s not always fast or comfortable, but it is possible with the right support. Curious if EMDR is a good fit for you? Contact me for a free consultation. You deserve relief. You deserve peace.
Sam Villarreal, MS, LPC, LCDC