8 Things to Let Go of Before a New Season Begins

The changing of seasons, we either love it or hate it, especially here in Texas when there are only 2 seasons: hotter than possible at any given moment and then ice. But it can also naturally make us reflect on where we’ve been in the previous season and where we want to go in the next. As summer winds down, you might find yourself wanting to reset your routines, reevaluate your priorities, or just feel a little more grounded. Instead of adding something to that to do list of yours, sometimes, the reset comes from letting something go.

That might mean releasing an expectation you’ve been carrying, stepping away from a relationship dynamic that leaves you exhausted, or giving yourself permission to stop measuring your life against someone else’s timeline (hello social media comparisons). You can still acknowledge that something mattered to you while still deciding that it doesn't need to come with you into the next chapter. Here are eight things worth considering as you enter a new season.

1. The expectation that you should have it all figured out by now based on your unrealistic timeline that you created 10+ years ago (or something like that)

It's easy and very tempting to look at a new season as another goal post to work towards especially with thoughts like these:

• I should be further along by now.

• I should have my career figured out.

• I should know what I want.

• I should have accomplished more this year.

But life never operates the way that you meticulously plan. Try asking yourself: “What actually matters to me right now?”

2. Guilt about resting (boooooo, this one is unhelpful and old news)

So many of us have learned to treat rest as something we earn after everything else is finished. But everything is RARELY finished so the math isn’t mathing. If you're accustomed to being productive, responsible, or available to everyone around you, slowing down can even make you uncomfy because it’s not the default. Exhausting yourself before you’re allowed to rest is so out. 

Consider letting go of the belief that rest is laziness, selfishness, or wasted time. Rest is part of caring for yourself and it is active work for your body, not a passive waste of time.

3. Relationships that require you to abandon or just lose parts of yourself

Not every relationship needs to end just because it’s become difficult. But some relationships may require you to consistently silence yourself, overextend yourself, ignore your boundaries, or take responsibility for another person's emotions and we’re no longer allowing that. That isn't the same thing as healthy compromise.

Consider asking yourself: “Who am I allowed to be in this relationship?” If the answer is essentially someone smaller, quieter, easier, or less needy, it may be worth examining what you're actually holding onto and why.

4. The need to explain every decision

You are allowed to make choices other people don't understand and overexplaining weakens your self-respect. Sometimes we over-explain because we're trying to prevent disappointment, conflict, judgment, or rejection.

But saying things like this are complete fully fleshed out ideas and thoughts:

• “I can't make it.”

• “That doesn't work for me.”

• “I've decided to do something different.”
  

Letting go of over-explaining doesn't make you inconsiderate or selfish. It means recognizing that someone else's disagreement doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong. Validate yourself!

5. An outdated version of yourself

Sometimes we hold onto identities simply because we've had them for a long time, just like that old sweater that’s on its last leg, but it’s been with you through breakups, celebrations, and decades of your life. These identities maybe were never even given to us by ourselves, but by others.

• I'm the responsible one.

• I'm the difficult one.

• I'm bad at relationships.

• I'm terrible with money.

• I'm always anxious.

• I'm the person everyone relies on.

Some of these identities may have developed for very understandable reasons. You can appreciate the version of yourself who got you here without requiring them to lead you everywhere you go next.

6. Someone else's timeline

Comparison is the thief of joy, that’s a famous saying and it’s famous for a reason…because it’s true! You can easily make every transition feel like you're falling behind by looking at where others are when it may not even be relevant to your dreams and desires.

• Someone else is getting married.

• Someone else bought a house.

• Someone else changed careers.

• Someone else seems more financially secure.

• Someone else has already accomplished the thing you're still working toward.

You're comparing your internal experience with someone else's external presentation and people mostly only ever show the good in their life. There is no prize for arriving at the “right” life first.

7. The belief that healing should be linear

We knew this, but sometimes it’s hard to match up logic to emotion. A new season can bring up an uncomfy realization: I thought I was over this.

Maybe an old trigger showed up. Maybe you found yourself responding to something in a familiar way. Maybe something you thought you'd processed feels raw all over again. It doesn't necessarily mean you've gone backward, but that healing is cyclical and a never-ending adventure of life.

Sometimes growth looks like noticing an old pattern sooner, recovering more quickly, asking for help sooner, or responding differently than you once would have. You don't have to be completely “healed” (not sure if that even exists) to recognize that you've changed.

8. The pressure to make this season your “best” one yet

I don’t know what it is about fall specifically, but it just feels like accomplishment, productivity, and opportunity. This can look like:

• New routine.

• New goals.

• New body.

• New habits.

• New mindset.

• New you.

But what if this season doesn't need to be your most productive, exciting, or impressive? What if joy, contentment, and presentness was the goal?

A new season doesn't require you to leave everything behind. Some things deserve to come with you. Some relationships will deepen. Some goals will remain important. Some parts of yourself will continue to need care. What is still serving me? What is costing me? What am I carrying because I actually want to and what am I carrying because I've forgotten that I can put it down?

• Sam Villarreal, MS, LPC, LCDC