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5 Ways to Find Community
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5 Ways to Find Community

Community has become a bit of a buzzword lately, but it’s never felt harder to find and/or build. Especially as adults, building those connections can feel awkward, time-consuming, or even impossible. 

If you haven’t already, you can check out my earlier post on How to Build Belonging in a Disconnected World, where I unpack how to build that community that a lot of us long for.

As promised, here are real, tangible ways to start finding community.

  • Be a Beginner Somewhere

Being a beginner gives you permission to be curious, humble, and open, all of which make connecting with others a bit easier.

Try: 

  1. A new art class (ceramics, watercolor, crochet)

  2. A new workout class (yoga, pilates, climbing, cycling)

  3. A new sport (pickleball, tennis, soccer, basketball)

  4. Exploring a new park and chatting up the parkgoers 

  5. Visiting a new spiritual or religious community

  • Seek Out Neighborhood Places

Community grows where you show up regularly so the more familiar your face becomes, the easier connection starts to flow.

Try: 

  1. Bringing your pup to the local dog park and chatting with other pet parents

  2. Sitting at the bar and talking to the bartender and/or regulars

  3. Becoming a “regular” at your preferred local coffee shop

  4. Attending your local library events

  5. Joining a trivia night or local sports viewing event

  6. Shopping small and connecting with the owners

  • Practice Initiating

Most people are waiting to be invited, so instead of waiting, take action and take the first step.

Try:

  1. (If you have kids), inviting another parent for coffee or a park playdate

  2. Hosting a game night or potluck

  3. Working from a coworking space instead of home

  4. Hosting a neighborhood block party

  5. Becoming a pen pal

  6. Inviting your partner’s friend’s partner for a double date

  • Two Birds, One Scone: Volunteer

Giving back creates natural, values-based connections. You’ll meet people who care about the same things you do, without having to do the small-talk to find out.

Try:

  1. Organizing a local food or donation drive

  2. Volunteering at a summer camp or after-school program

  3. Joining an advocacy or mutual-aid group

  4. Hosting a clothing swap

  5. Joining the board or committee of a local organization

  • Find Community Within Your Interests

Start where you already feel in your element. Community is often built around shared passions that give people something meaningful to talk about and do together.

For:

  1. Gardeners: Join a community garden where you plant on your own plot, but grow alongside others

  2. Athletes: Join a running or walking club, a recreational sports league, or a climbing gym

  3. Crafters: Attend workshops or host a craft night

  4. Readers: Join or start a book club

  5. Bakers: Take a cooking class or host a baking night with friends

Just like all living things need sunlight, we need connection. Our sunlight isn’t just the star in the sky, it’s each other. We were never meant to do life alone so start small, be intentional, show up authentically, and let it unfold at its own pace. You belong wherever you show up.

  • Sam Villarreal, MS, LPC, LCDC

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How to Build Belonging in a Disconnected World
Belonging in a Disconnected World, Community, Connection, Mental Health, Belonging, Authenticity, Self-Compassion Sam Villarreal Belonging in a Disconnected World, Community, Connection, Mental Health, Belonging, Authenticity, Self-Compassion Sam Villarreal

How to Build Belonging in a Disconnected World

You may be wondering, are we really disconnected if we’re more connected than ever? I know, I know social media is great (in moderation). It keeps us connected to people close to home and across the world that we otherwise would never have met, yet so many of us still feel lonely. We’re connected, but not in connection. We scroll, engage, maybe put on a mask for others to perceive, but rarely feel seen, accepted, or valued for our whole selves. More often than not, we feel known only for the version of us that fits neatly on screen or is palatable to others.. So, how do we rebuild belonging and find the type of community that nourishes our souls instead of drains our battery?

1. Start with Self-Belonging

Ah, the cliche, “it starts with you”. I’m sorry, not sorry. It really does have to start with you. Seeing and accepting the parts of yourself that you don’t necessarily get along with like the anxious part, the part that wants too much, or the angry part is the first step. Once we stop hiding behind “easier” versions of ourselves and start offering those parts some compassion, we’ll feel more self-belonging.

2. Quality Over Quantity

A big friend group can be beautiful, but belonging doesn’t require a crowd. Start with one quality human to get real with versus a baker’s dozen. Choose humans where you can create deep relationships with where you can bring your full self including those parts of you that you’ve recently shared compassion with. That may mean starting slowly with intentionality and building up that relationship to make the foundation more solid rather than spilling your guts before you’ve even met their cat IRL.

3. Vulnerability is Not a Weakness

Vulnerability is an invitation to belonging. When we share our fears, likes, dislikes, concerns, mistakes, and desires, you give permission for others to do the same. It’s not oversharing, it’s inviting others into your truth. That’s how trust and then belonging actually form.

4. Values, Values, and More Values

We find depth-oriented relationships and real connection when we share values, not just interests. Whether it’s a book club, a Discord server, a spiritual circle, or a creative space, seek out environments that honor authenticity, likemindedness, and growth (or any other values that resonate with you). Surround yourself with people who want to evolve with you, not just hang out near you.

5. Reciprocity and Collectivism

Belonging is mutual and it’s not something that you have, but something that you build through action. That means showing up for others, listening, holding space, and offering care not because you have to, but because you’re invested in each other’s well-being. Although boundaries are beneficial, it can be taken too literally like a barrier (that’s not what we want). Connection requires participation. Sometimes that means showing up even when you’re tired and don’t feel like it, but trusting that they’ll do the same when it’s your turn to need support.

Belonging in our modern-day society is choosing preference and connection over performance. It’s choosing curiosity over judgement and compassion over convenience. You deserve that kind of belonging, first with yourself and then with others.

P.S. Stay tuned for my next blog post, where I’ll share some tangible ways to find community in everyday life.

  • Sam Villarreal, MS, LPC, LCDC

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