Can I Benefit From Trauma Therapy If I Don’t Remember Anything “Bad” Happening?
“Trauma.” It’s a daunting word and one that we hear often these days, but what does it actually mean? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, natural disaster, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war, and more. The APA states that “immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical” and “longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.”
Examples of traumatic experiences might include being a victim of an assault, being in a major accident, or experiencing war. But what if you don’t remember a “terrible event” happening or even have memories to recall from? It simply just means that this definition isn’t all-encompassing and not all trauma is obvious or has a distinct beginning, middle or end. Sometimes the trauma is continuous, repetitive, and subtle and that is when it becomes complex trauma.
The Weight of Complex Trauma
Complex trauma can be defined as:
(1) Repetitive, prolonged, or cumulative stressors
(2) Interpersonal harm - including neglect, abandonment, or emotional abuse often by caregivers or trusted adults
(3) Developmental vulnerability times in life, especially in childhood or adolescence, though it can also occur in adulthood through attachment injuries and relationship wounds.
Instead of one clear traumatic event, complex trauma is the accumulation of small, painful moments over time. It’s the emotional neglect, the inconsistency in the caregiving one received, the mixed messages, being shamed for feelings, and feeling unsafe over time. It’s not necessarily what happened to you, but what you didn’t receive, which is comfort, attunement, validation, and empathy. These experiences have a subtle, yet significant impact that can shape how someone feels about themselves, how they relate to others, and respond to stress, often without even realizing it.
What Complex Trauma Can Feel Like
Complex trauma can vary in severity from person to person, but here are common signs.
Chronically anxious or shut down
People-pleasing tendencies or perfectionistic tendencies
Struggling with boundaries
Low self-trust
Persistent sense that something is “off”, but not knowing what or why
Oftentimes, I hear clients say things like “but others had it worse” or “I’m just being dramatic” and to that, I say don’t let your own internalized minimization keep you from seeking therapy because therapy isn’t just for the big “T” traumas or crises, it’s also for relational healing, connection to yourself, and clarity that you didn’t deserve the wounds that you received. Your pain is valid.
How Therapy Can Help
Healing from complex trauma takes time, patience, and a lot of compassion for yourself. Modalities like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and IFS (Internal Family Systems) can help you reconnect with the parts of you that feel stuck in time, parts that carry shame, fear, or confusion. IFS, one of my favorite approaches, creates space to gently re-parent these parts allowing for unburdening, relief, and inner peace.
If you’re unsure of starting therapy, there are always ways to begin that involve dipping your toe in instead of diving like journaling, exploring self-help books, trying guided meditations, and becoming more curious about the different parts of you. Remember: you do not need to compare your pain to others. Your story matters and you are worthy of support, no matter your lived experiences. If you’re curious about any of my approaches listed in my therapy services page, don’t hesitate to reach out for a free consultation.I’d be honored to walk alongside you in your journey.
Sam Villarreal
Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and Licensed Professional Counselor Associate supervised by Melinda Porter, LPC-S